


Regaining What We Never Had

by myrica_rubra



Category: DDT Pro-Wrestling, 新日本プロレス | New Japan Pro-Wrestling
Genre: Alcohol, Angst with a Happy Ending, Awkward First Times, Communication Failure, Developing Relationship, Drunk Sex, Dubious Consent, Hand Jobs, Learning How To Boyfriend, M/M, Porn With Plot, Relationship Discussions, Sexual Tension, Teasing, Trust
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-12
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-06-26 21:52:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19777171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myrica_rubra/pseuds/myrica_rubra
Summary: Everything turns into a disaster when Kota is around. Especially Kenny.This is not how he had pictured their first time together.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Kota is drunk, Kenny is sober, problems arise and are discussed and overcome. I just get the impression that these two wouldn't have had the _best_ grasp on the relationship between alcohol and consent in ~2010. But don't worry, everything gets sorted out by the end.
> 
> Chapter ratings:  
> 1: E (this is where the "dubious consent" tag applies)  
> 2: T (emotionally heavy sex conversations)  
> 3: M (whole lotta sexual tension)  
> 4: E (no spoilers)

Not for the first time, and certainly not for the last, Kenny has to be responsible for shepherding a drunk Kota home from the bar. One of their coworkers had been the bartender that night, and Kota had taken up most of the poor guy's time ordering increasingly complicated drinks while Kenny did his best to keep the patrons entertained. It had been a disaster, as usual. Everything turns into a disaster when Kota is around. Especially Kenny.

Kenny patiently holds Kota up while he fumbles with the keys. Once he finally gets the door open and they have kicked their shoes off, they stumble into Kota's room. Kenny tries to disentangle himself from Kota, intending, as ever, to tuck him into bed and then go to sleep on the couch, but Kota sways dangerously and grips Kenny's arm with that otherworldly strength of his. Before Kenny can figure out what happened, he finds himself lying in Kota's bed, one leg hanging awkwardly off the side, his body half pinned underneath Kota, who is...passed out? He squirms around, struggling to free himself, but Kota, now lying on his side and facing away from Kenny, refuses to let go of his arm. Not passed out, then. Kenny pauses to consider his options.

The city lights shine through the window, illuminating Kota's profile, the peaceful smile on his lips, the curve of his waist. He looks so comfortable, Kenny doesn't want to disturb him any more than he has to. And, more than that...Lying with Kota like this, pressed against his warm, firm body, breathing in his softly floral scent, almost buried though it was beneath the smell of alcohol...

A familiar longing overtakes Kenny, and he's so tired, and how is this any different from post-match cuddles anyway? Hesitantly, he settles in behind Kota, draping his free arm over that narrow waist. Kota makes a sleepy, contented noise and snuggles back against Kenny. Well...This seems okay. Kenny will just have to do his best to ignore the fact that the awkward angle of his arm, trapped beneath Kota, is forcing his mouth to be much closer to Kota's neck than he would like to think about.

For a while they just lie there, breathing together, Kenny trying not to inhale Kota's scent too deeply. He can smell Kota's skin. Is that creepy of him, noticing something like that? It must at least be creepy to be _enjoying_ it...Oh God, how is he ever going to be able to sleep like this?

Kota shifts his hips slightly, drawing Kenny's attention to--oh no. Kenny's hard. A chill runs down his spine and he angles his hips away, hoping Kota hadn't noticed.

Kota had noticed.

He pushes languidly back against Kenny, murmuring something, and reaches for his hand. Kenny feels paralyzed. What had Kota just said? Should he ask him to repeat himself? What if--

Kota finds Kenny's hand and pulls it further down, and the chill returns, followed by a jolt of arousal. Kota's hard too. Kenny's thoughts are racing frantically. Through the clamor rises a small, absurd bubble of surprise-- _how had Kota managed to get it up, after all those drinks?_ \--but then Kota rocks forward into Kenny's hand and back against his hips, and Kenny's breath hitches.

Kota's movements have apparently brought them so close together that Kenny's lips are brushing the back of his neck, and he's dizzy now, and without thinking he leans in further and presses an open-mouthed kiss to Kota's neck, and Kota laughs quietly and squeezes his hand, and Kenny releases his held breath in a long, shaky exhalation. Someone needs to clarify what's happening, and soon.

"Kota..." he begins, but can't seem to complete the thought. Kota groans and rocks forward again, and Kenny's thoughts are further interrupted by a rising tide of panic. _Oh, he thought...He thought I was..._ His heart is pounding so hard, he knows Kota must be able to feel it. _But...Wouldn't I?_ He thinks back to all the times he's quietly moaned Kota's name, and suddenly his face and neck feel hot. Kota pushes against Kenny's erection, and suddenly Kenny's gasping out Kota's name again.

Kota whispers something in reply and Kenny has no hope of parsing what he'd said. Did he hear a "Kenny" in there? Was that wishful thinking? He realizes with despair that he's grinding against Kota now. _This is happening._ Kota guides Kenny's hand to his waistband and down inside, and there's Kota's cock, hard and silky and fitting perfectly into his hand, and Kenny hears a whimper escape his own throat. He's been wanting this for so long, and now...His fingers tighten around Kota's shaft, and he can't think anymore. He strokes slowly, feeling the rush of blood under Kota's skin. Kota releases his hand and reaches back, grips Kenny's hair, pulls him closer. Kenny kisses his neck again and again, grazes the sensitive skin with his teeth, tastes him with his tongue, and Kota is breathing harder and harder...

Kenny shifts his attention to the leaking head of Kota's cock, and Kota thrusts forward. Kenny spreads the wetness with his fingers, massaging, squeezing with his palm, and suddenly Kota bucks his hips and a moan tears out of him, and he's coming into Kenny's hand. Kenny bites down on the back of Kota's neck as Kota rides out his orgasm.

Kota's body relaxes and his fingers unclench from Kenny's hair. Kenny hadn't even noticed he'd been holding it so tightly, but now his scalp aches. At the same time he realizes he's sweating, and his own cock is still throbbing, and, oh, things have gone this far already, he might as well...He releases Kota's softening dick, reaches quickly into his own pants, and his hand is wet with Kota's come, and that knowledge alone has Kenny coming before he even realizes it, and the last thing he's aware of is his embarrassingly involuntary grunt before his vision whites out.

When he returns to himself, the first thing he notices is the uncomfortable sensation of his shirt clinging to his sweaty body. The second is his hand, now dripping with both their come. He fights down the uneasy feeling that threatens to consume him, long enough to wipe his hand on his shirt, which he then removes and drops somewhere behind him.

Kota is still lying with his back to him, breathing evenly. Is he asleep? Did he notice...? Kenny anxiously lays his hand on Kota's upper arm, realizing belatedly that he should have made sure it was completely clean first. Guilt and dread writhe in Kenny's stomach. But Kota reaches up and entwines his fingers with Kenny's, and Kenny feels tears begin to sting his eyes.

"I'm sorry," Kenny says before he can stop himself.

Kota makes a questioning noise and rolls over to face him. "Why?" he asks sleepily.

Kenny scans his face carefully. Kota looks relaxed, contented...trusting. That doesn't help as much as Kenny would have hoped. "I..." he begins, struggling with his Japanese. Kota watches him patiently, affectionately. "You're drunk," Kenny says finally.

"Mmm." Kota stretches, then lays a hand on Kenny's hip. "If you hadn't done it to me, I would have, to myself. More fun when it's someone else." He grins crookedly.

"But I didn't know that!" The tears finally spill from Kenny's eyes. "You were drunk, and I should have stopped myself, and I'm... _sorry._ "

Kota struggles to prop himself up on his elbow and looks down at Kenny's miserable face. After a while, he strokes Kenny's cheek with the back of his hand. "It's okay, really," he says softly. "We can talk about it in the morning."

Kenny squeezes his eyes shut and nods. He feels slightly better, but not enough. How could he explain it? This is not how he had pictured their first time together. He had always tried not to think too hard about what he wanted, afraid of getting his hopes up, but he had assumed it would involve, what, candles, maybe roses...anything other than a drunken hand job. But it had happened, and he couldn't take it back now.

Sensing Kenny's continuing distress, Kota leans down and kisses Kenny's tears. Kenny sobs.

"Kenny..." Kota lies back down again, reaches out, and enfolds him in his arms, tucking Kenny's head under his chin.

"Aishiteru," Kenny chokes out.

There it is. He's said it. And almost immediately, he stops crying.

Kota is still for a long moment. Then, gently, he tips Kenny's chin up with one finger.

Their eyes meet. He holds Kenny's gaze; he doesn't look drunk at all anymore.

He leans in and kisses Kenny slowly.

It feels like time has stopped. Kenny is aware only of Kota's soft lips and warm breath. His mind is calm.

When Kota finally releases the kiss, after who knows how long, he leans back enough to look into Kenny's eyes again. "Thank you," he says in English. "I love you."

Kenny closes his eyes, overwhelmed, pacified. There would be a next time. They could put this behind them, and there would be a next time. Lulled by Kota's gentle embrace and warm scent, he falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Aishiteru" means "I love you" but is rarely used because it is the strongest possible way to express that sentiment in Japanese (i.e. the only correct way when it comes to these two dramatic-ass soulmates).


	2. Chapter 2

The hangover isn't too bad. Honestly, those drinks didn't have much kick to them, despite Kota's best ordering efforts. But just to be safe, he keeps his eyes closed for a while. Resting in the darkness, becoming aware of his surroundings, he can hear the shower running. Ah, right. Kenny is here.

The memories from last night come flooding back, and Kota smiles. He opens one eye just a sliver, and when the light from the window doesn't immediately send stabbing pains through his head, he blinks his eyes open fully and looks around the room. As usual, Kenny has left a full glass of water and an aspirin for him on the nightstand, which Kota takes gratefully. How did Kenny ever think Kota wasn't already aware that he loved him? Kenny might as well be screaming his every emotion at the top of his lungs at all times. He's a lot, even for a foreigner.

Kota remembers that he's still in his clothes, and they're a little...well, he needs to change. He rolls out of bed, stripping off his clothes along the way. He's not about to let Kenny walk in on him smelling like this.

He pushes open the bathroom door and sees Kenny standing in the shower, one hand on the wall, his head down. It seems he's gotten lost in his own turbulent thoughts; Kota knows that look very well by this point. Kenny startles when he hears the door open and seems to consider covering himself up, but of course there's no need. They've done this plenty of times after matches. Maybe something familiar is what they both need right now. Kota steps into the shower with him, grabs the soap, and starts washing himself without a word.

"Uh...Good morning?" Kenny eventually offers. Kota smiles at him. After a minute, Kenny adds, "I was just about to finish up. I can leave if you want." Kota shrugs, but leans over and kisses his cheek lightly. Kenny grins and looks away. Actually, he's been trying to avoid looking at Kota the whole time. Unacceptable.

"Or we could talk now," Kota says nonchalantly, turning his back to Kenny and letting the water run freely down his body. He cocks his hip just so, glancing back over his shoulder.

Kenny blushes and fixes his eyes intently on the shower floor. "Now? Really?"

"Why not?"

"You're...you..."

Kota scrubs his face and turns back around. Kenny is still looking at the floor, his face twisting unhappily.

This isn't as fun as it usually is. Reluctantly, Kota is forced to consider the fact that maybe some things have changed between them after all. It's not something he had ever thought possible, and the feelings it brings up in him are unpleasant.

"This isn't helping, is it? I'm sorry." He shuts off the water, takes Kenny's hand, and steps out of the shower. Kenny, relieved, reaches quickly for a towel. "Thank you for thinking of me this morning," Kota says as he dries himself off. "You know I always notice when you do things like that."

Kenny smiles a little. He has the towel wrapped around his waist now and seems more comfortable to be in Kota's presence. That's a start. Kota smiles fondly back. He wants to kiss him again, but his mouth tastes vile right now.

"Do you want coffee?" Kenny asks.

"Yes please. Make some and we'll talk?"

Kenny nods. He heads for the door, but hesitates before opening it. "I uh...don't have any clean clothes."

Kota shrugs. "You can borrow some of mine. Or you could stay like that. You look nice."

Kenny blushes again and hurries out the door, hiding a smile.

* * *

Kenny's hands never stop moving; they always draw Kota's attention. At the moment, he's tracing the rim of his coffee cup with one finger, watching the steam rise. Kota sips his own coffee and admires Kenny for a while, sitting on the couch next to him, both of them still wearing nothing but their towels. Kenny's skin is still slightly pink from the hot water and his damp hair is clinging to his face and neck, just beginning to form back into its usual curls.

"How are you feeling?" Kenny asks eventually, not looking up from his mug.

"Good," Kota says simply. "Happy."

A shy smile touches the corners of Kenny's mouth. "So..."

"So...?"

Kenny thinks for a few moments. "Last night. You said it was okay." Kota hums an affirmative and takes another sip. Kenny continues, "I was worried I had pressured you into something you didn't want."

Kota laughs. _"You_ pressured _me?_ I remember what happened, and it wasn't that."

Kenny chews his lip. "Well," he tries again, "I never thought you wanted to...with me..."

"You didn't?" Kota tilts his head. He thought he'd made his feelings perfectly clear. Maybe this was another foreigner thing.

Kenny drums his fingers on his mug. He seems to be at a loss for words.

Words.

Kota nudges Kenny's leg gently with his foot. "I did. I always have."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Kenny asks quietly. "I must have been pretty obvious about how I...I mean...Well, you know how I am."

Kota smiles at that. It's true. "It was never the right time."

Kenny is silent for a long time. He still hasn't touched his coffee. Kota slides down the couch to be closer to him, content to wait. Kenny doesn't seem to notice. When he finally speaks again, there's a small waver in his voice. "What does that mean?"

This is no good. They've always understood each other, haven't they? Kota finds himself wishing this could be over right now. In fact, he's even beginning to wish things could go back to the way they were before. Regret is not something he's used to feeling, nor is the pressure to explain himself. Especially to Kenny. But seeing Kenny unhappy is also not something he's used to, and the desire to make him happy again wins out in the end.

"I thought," Kota says carefully, "I always thought that we'd be together. From the very beginning." No, that's not quite right. "What I mean is, I always felt that we _were_ together. So, whatever happened was how things were supposed to happen." Awful.

Kenny's brow knits up. "I'm sorry. My Japanese..."

This, at least, is familiar. Kota tries a different tack. "I always loved you. I did. I was just...following my feelings. Whatever seemed right at the time." That seems to have done it. Kenny nods and relaxes slightly. "And usually, when I feel something, you feel it too. So I thought we were both following our feelings." Kota takes a deep breath. "I assumed. And I'm sorry."

Kenny sighs. "I'm sorry too. I should have said something."

"Someone should have, anyway." It feels weird, apologizing to Kenny. It's a reminder that what they share between them, as perfect as it had always felt, was still going to take effort to maintain. Kota doesn't like it at all, but...well, it's still worth it. There's no question of that. "I'll try to do better from now on."

"Me too," Kenny says. "Promise." He reaches for Kota's hand and curls his pinky around Kota's, like a little kid, and they both giggle. The tension has broken and the energy in the room feels clearer. Is it over, finally?

Kota sets down his coffee and wraps his arms around Kenny, just like he had done the night before. "I want to kiss you," he says suddenly, surprising even himself, "Is that okay?" Kenny squeezes his hand and nods. Gently, Kota takes his cup from him and sets it aside, next to his.

They kiss for a long time, pressed together on the couch, bodies moving against each other. Kota pours his love for Kenny into every place their skin touches, seeking that peace he had felt between them after their kiss last night. He lays a hand on Kenny's thigh and starts to slide it up and under the towel, but Kenny stops him and pulls away a fraction.

Kota studies Kenny's face attentively. He's flushed, his eyes are heavily lidded, his lips are swollen, but there's an uncertainty in his gaze that makes Kota's stomach drop. Effort. Communication. Words. He can do this. "There's something else bothering you," he says.

Kenny drops his head onto Kota's shoulder and breathes for a while. Kota continues to hold him, but little prickles of anxiety have started to run up his neck. Kenny's voice, when he speaks, is even. "I was worried that, because you were drunk, doing what we did...Maybe those weren't your real feelings."

That wasn't what Kota was expecting to hear. "I get drunk and have sex all the time," he says, surprised. Kenny cringes. Was that the wrong thing to say? Kota continues, trying to clarify, "That's half the reason I go out, sometimes."

Kenny seems to shrink into himself. "I know, but..." His body language makes clear what he can't bring himself to say: _But never with me._

Oh.

The prickles in Kota's neck spread through his body. He gently twirls a lock of Kenny's hair around his finger, seeking to comfort him. Both of them. "You're special to me. Not like them."

Kota feels a couple tears fall onto his collarbone, where Kenny's head is resting.

"Last night didn't...feel special."

_Of course._ Kota could kick himself. Of _course_ that would be bothering him. This is, admittedly, a very new experience for Kota and he's not sure how to respond. He puts his hands on Kenny's shoulders, pushing him away just enough to be able to look into his face again. The pain in Kenny's eyes is almost too much to bear. Kota leans in and touches their foreheads together. "I'm sorry, Kenny-tan. I didn't think about that." A few more tears roll down Kenny's cheeks and he melts into Kota's arms. Kota runs the side of his nose along Kenny's. "How can I make it better?"

Kenny inhales shakily. "I..."

Kota twines their fingers together, hands resting between them. "You can take your time," he says softly. "Think about it."

Kenny nods and lifts both of Kota's hands. "Thank you." His lips brush Kota's knuckles as he speaks.

"We'll make it right," Kota whispers. Not a promise but a statement of fact. He's never been more sure of anything.


	3. Chapter 3

Mundane reality sets in again. Over the next few weeks, travel, work, and training take up most of Kenny and Kota's time and attention. But the change in their relationship is palpable. Now, there is new meaning in every shared smile, every touch that lingers a little too long, every press of thighs beneath the table. Kota's reckless streak has mellowed significantly, Kenny seems more centered than he has in months, and something like an electric current passes between them whenever their eyes meet.

Kota has never had a real relationship before, so this is all very new for him. They make time to be alone together whenever possible, for talking and for other things, though they have not gone beyond a certain level of intimacy. Not yet. That's still being saved. Kota finds that he is enjoying taking things slow. It feels like they're building something together, something precious, delicate but becoming stronger every day.

He has been happy to let Kenny take the reins when it comes to the level of contact they are allowed to have, when to increase that level and when to walk it back. One night they might be making out on the couch, hot and desperate, while the next they might simply curl around each other in front of the TV, occasionally pressing tender kisses to cheeks or shoulders. Underlying all of it is that current of desire, vibrating at different degrees of intensity but always present. It's intoxicating.

"You're teasing me," Kota growls one night when they're heading to the locker room together, after Kenny--in a particularly bold move--had trailed his fingertips lightly along the crease between Kota's ass and thigh, clearly displayed as it always was by his too-small trunks.

Kenny digs his fingers into Kota's flesh and squeezes, making Kota bite his lip. "You've been teasing me for years. It's only fair."

From a certain perspective, this isn't too different from how things had always been for them. Only the context has changed, and that, apparently, makes all the difference between hopeless longing and excited anticipation. Their feelings, it seems, are now aligned.

For Kenny's part, when Kota had asked how he wanted things to go next time, he had been expecting to eventually be able to give some kind of concrete answer, maybe something along the lines of a romantic dinner date followed by a night at a nice hotel, or some embarrassed confession about eye contact and sweet nothings. Honestly, even he didn't know at the time what exactly it was that he wanted. But during these past weeks he has come to realize that what he wants is _this_ , this feeling of closeness and reassurance, growing alongside and inseparable from the delicious tension building between them. And they are both thrilled to discover that Kota, as it turns out, wants the same thing.

On one of their quieter nights, when they're tired and feeling the effects of their current tour, now nearing its end, Kenny finally realizes what, specifically, he wants.

They're spooning in their hotel, on the bed that nominally belongs to Kenny. Kota's nose is buried in Kenny's curls, something mindless is playing on the TV, and they are both on the edge of sleep.

"Hey," Kenny says quietly.

Kota rouses himself, stretching a little, like a cat. "Yes?"

"I know what I want."

Kota is fully awake now. He shifts enough to make room for Kenny to roll over, bringing them face to face. His pulse speeds up and he reaches for Kenny's hand. "Tell me."

"I want you to...surprise me." Kenny's eyes are bright in the dimly-lit room, and he looks relaxed and vulnerable.

"Surprise you? With what?"

"Anything you want."

Kota strokes the back of Kenny's hand with one finger. "Really?"

Kenny nods, smiling that shy smile of his. "Anything we talked about. Any time, any place. Just...no alcohol." They have already discussed their limits, prior experiences, what they are and aren't comfortable with.

Kota can't speak for a minute. The blood is pounding through his veins and dozens of delightful images are flashing through his mind. "That sounds good to me," he eventually manages to say. "But," he adds firmly, "If you change your mind, please tell me."

"I will." Kenny's expression is open and trusting, and Kota loves him so much he doesn't know how his body is able to contain it. He kisses him fiercely, pulling him close, and Kenny responds in kind.

Then, abruptly, Kota breaks the kiss. Kenny whimpers and tugs at Kota's shirt, but Kota pushes him back with a hand on his chest. "You know," he says, his voice low, "you've been teasing me so much, I might just have to pay you back for it." Kenny laughs breathlessly as Kota drags his fingers down his bare chest. "Or," he grabs Kenny's ass suddenly, eliciting a gasp, "I might not."

"Kota..." Kenny's eyes are glassy and his fingers are twisting in Kota's shirt.

Kota brings their faces closer together, lips only millimeters apart. "You'll just have to stay on your toes, won't you?"

Kenny shivers.

Kota holds Kenny in place until he starts to squirm in Kota's grip, urgently seeking more contact. Then Kota releases him, rises without a word, and crosses the room to the other bed.

 _"Fuck."_ Kenny puts his hands over his face and laughs again as Kota climbs under his own covers.

Kota grins and blows him a kiss before turning off the light and rolling over. This was going to be fun.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, when they're going out for breakfast after an early workout, they turn onto a small empty street and, out of nowhere, Kota slams Kenny against a wall and kisses him hard, sliding his hands over Kenny's body. Kenny gasps into his mouth and arches into his touch. _Are we really going to...Here? Now?_ He glances quickly back the way they had come to make sure no one was there. Kota presses his hand to the front of Kenny's jeans and squeezes, and Kenny sighs, pulling him closer.

Then, suddenly, Kota backs away and shoots him an innocent smile.

"Hey!" Kenny glares at him, attempting to regain his balance. Of course Kota was teasing him. Kenny should have realized...He had just been caught off-guard, that's all.

"Come on," Kota says over his shoulder, "What are you waiting for? I'm starving."

"You're a monster," Kenny mutters, blushing and adjusting himself. Kota winks at him and continues down the street.

A couple days later, Kota breaks off an intense makeout session by casually disentangling himself from Kenny and turning on the TV, once more leaving Kenny flustered and wanting.

"Bu-san!" Kenny whines dramatically into his own hands, "Why are you so mean to me?"

"What? It's time for our favorite uh...infomercial. We don't want to miss this, right?"

Kenny pokes his tongue out at him but cuddles up against his side anyway. Kota nuzzles his hair in response. "It'll be worth it, I promise," he whispers, breaking the illusion just a little in order to reassure Kenny. It's not necessary, but Kenny appreciates it anyway.

After a few more such antics, Kenny starts to wonder how much more he can take. He knows that leaving the situation in Kota's hands had been the right decision. He knows it's what he wants. And he doesn't regret it. He trusts Kota, he trusts himself, and he trusts the bond they share. But he hadn't expected Kota to toy with him quite this much, and it's honestly torturous.

About a week after that conversation in the hotel, their schedule finally opens up enough for Kota to invite Kenny over to train with him at his private dojo. It's always nice to be able to train together without anyone else getting in the way, and it's been over a month since the last time they could make time for it.

The training session is pretty uneventful, but while they're winding down, Kota looks at him with that particular glint in his eye. This time, however, Kenny is ready. He catches Kota's arms before they can encircle him, and Kota laughs in delight. He sweeps Kenny's leg, unbalancing him, and forces him to the mat.

"Fucker!" Kenny wraps his legs around Kota and uses all his strength to roll them. Now Kota's the one lying on his back, Kenny straddling his waist. Kenny wags a finger in Kota's face, panting and grinning.

Kota folds his arms and shakes his head in mock disappointment. _"Kenny._ You really think I'd be so obvious?"

Kenny puffs himself up and puts on his best anime villain voice. "You're only saying that because I outwitted you! Face it, Ibutan, you'll never get the best of me."

Kota laughs that pure, joyful laugh again before laying a hand affectionately on Kenny's cheek. "You just keep telling yourself that, Ken-chan."

Kenny struggles to maintain his villainous facade, but he knows his eyes have already given him away. They both break into giggles and reach for each other.

When they leave the dojo, after spending far too long in the shower together, Kenny is in such a state of bliss that he doesn't even hear what Kota says to the taxi driver. It isn't until they pull up outside a familiar-looking hotel that Kenny is able to shake himself out of his daze.

"What's going on? I thought we were going to meet Nak."

"Change of plans. Follow me."

Kenny follows him.

They walk right past the front desk and down a corridor. Wherever Kota's taking them, he clearly knows where he's going. Kenny just wishes he knew why this dingy little hotel looks so familiar.

Soon they come to a stop in front of a door, which Kota unlocks-- _why does he already have a key?_ \--and when they enter the room, it finally hits Kenny: this is the first hotel they had stayed at together.

It was during Kenny's first tour of Japan. They had gone out to dinner with Nak, then to an arcade. They had kept each other up most of the night, in this room, somehow able to communicate enough to make each other laugh until their sides hurt.

The memories are flooding back, and Kenny can barely speak. "You remembered..."

Kota takes Kenny's hand and leads him further into the room. Kenny sees the beds and remembers the two of them settling in, sleepy and unguarded, smiling at each other across the gap that lay between them. He remembers wanting that gap to disappear. Even then he knew that he wanted this. And now he knows, beyond any doubt, that Kota did too.

Kenny sinks onto the nearest bed and buries his face in his hands, because of course he's crying again. Kota joins him a few moments later and Kenny raises his head, but Kota looks away shyly--something he rarely does. "You told me to surprise you," he says modestly.

Kenny's heart skips a beat.

"Oh..."

"Is this okay?" Kota asks, enfolding Kenny's hands in his. Kenny nods. "You want this?" Kenny nods again, overcome by another wave of emotion. He leans helplessly into Kota, who holds him in place with one arm and plants an awkward kiss onto his temple. Kota's breath is shaky, and Kenny feels a tear land on his cheek and roll down to join his own. He seizes Kota in a bear hug, Kota twists to get both arms around him, and they kiss roughly and messily through their tears.

"Now..." Kenny breathes, "please..."

Together they maneuver themselves fully onto the bed. Kenny paws at Kota's shirt until Kota sits up to remove it, his thighs pinning Kenny in place. Kenny's fingers follow the shirt as it goes, up Kota's stomach and chest, to his shoulders, down his arms, finally coming to rest on his thighs.

Kota pauses for a moment to look down at Kenny's face, taking in his darkened eyes and parted lips. In that moment, time seems to slow. The air in the room becomes thick and heavy. The fire that had been rising inside of Kota diffuses and settles through his body.

It's a strange feeling, but Kota isn't surprised that it's happening now, here, with Kenny. It isn't too different from how he felt the first time they were in the ring together.

Slowly, as if moving underwater, Kota unbuckles his own belt. Kenny watches, captivated, calmly stroking Kota's thighs. With the same deliberate pace, Kota unzips his pants, reaches in, frees his cock. Kenny caresses it once, almost reverently, before moving to carefully pull off his own shirt, which he drops off the side of the bed. Maintaining eye contact with Kota, he leans in enough to touch his tongue lightly to the tip of Kota's dick.

The sensation sends sparks along Kota's skin. He wants more of that, wants to grab the back of Kenny's head and thrust into his mouth. But the easy synchrony of their movements has its own pull, and more than anything he wants to let it carry him wherever it will lead.

He shifts backward, allowing Kenny to reach down and unfasten his own pants. Kota leans his head against Kenny's and watches as Kenny's cock springs free. Then he lowers himself and they come into contact, hard together, at the same time as their lips meet in a deep, slow kiss. Their arms wind around each other as they rock gently onto their sides.

The heat between their bodies drives them forward, moving faster, gripping harder. They kick off the rest of their clothes, vibrating with that shared energy, building in intensity as their kisses grow fiercer and their breathing grows heavier.

Kota brushes Kenny's hair off his neck, exposing soft skin which he feels compelled to bite. He gives into the urge and Kenny exhales a soft _ah_ , which kindles more sparks inside Kota. He nips Kenny's neck again, lower this time, and Kenny shivers and digs his nails into Kota's shoulders.

_Now._

Kota reaches across Kenny to open the drawer in the nightstand behind him, all the while continuing to bite and kiss Kenny's neck. He pulls out a bottle of lube and a condom, which he had left there earlier this morning, before meeting Kenny at the dojo. The action takes him out of the moment, but the color and scent of the room and the feel of the sheets beneath him are bringing him back to that night, two years ago, when he first understood what he and Kenny were to each other.

If he were to go back in time, he doesn't know whether he would do things differently. Of course he had wanted this then, as he does now. But he has the feeling that if they had gotten together like this, back then, before everything, they would never have been as close, and things might have broken down before they ever had a chance. They hadn't yet earned this. Their path has led them back around to where they started, but now his cheeks have the memory of tears on them, and Kenny is warm and vulnerable and yielding in his arms.

Kenny's pulse is fluttering under Kota's tongue, and the taste of heated skin pulls him back to the present. He rolls Kenny onto his back, trailing kisses down to his collarbone, to his chest, and lower, lower. Kenny spreads his legs open for Kota to slide between them, his body rising to meet Kota's mouth.

Kota's face is now level with Kenny's dick, which he hasn't had the opportunity to admire up close yet. He kisses that too, lovingly. Beautiful. Kenny's breath catches. Unable to resist, Kota kisses it a few more times before running his tongue up along the underside, all the way to the tip. This earns him another _ah_ , louder this time, and Kota smiles. Every nerve in his body feels alive.

He coats his fingers with lube, then sits back on his heels; he wants to watch Kenny while he does this. He strokes Kenny's entrance with two fingers and Kenny responds by sucking in a breath, biting his lip, lifting one knee to give Kota even more room. Kota slips one finger inside and finds Kenny's body is already so relaxed, so welcoming. With every motion, every finger added, Kota feels like the energy singing through him is being transferred into Kenny.

It's so easy to shift his focus entirely from his own feelings to Kenny's, just by watching him. Kenny's eyes are closed, his legs trembling as Kota slides his fingers out and moves into position. Kota touches Kenny's jaw lightly to get his attention. Kenny obediently opens his eyes, watches breathlessly as Kota rolls on the condom, allows Kota to pull him up by the hips and onto his lap.

Kota feels the need to draw this out just a little longer. He fits his cock into Kenny's cleft, drags it all the way back, slowly pushes up and forward again, and Kenny is writhing in his lap, his movements heavy and mindless.

"Kota," he sobs, "please...I can't..."

"Say it."

"Fuck me, please, Kota, _fuck me!"_

Kota draws himself back one last time before finally, _finally_ sinking in, and the sparks that have been building in him blaze into a fire. Kenny grabs at Kota's hands on his hips, pushes up to meet him, moans loudly, and Kota has to keep his attention off the sensations in his own body if he hopes to last any amount of time at all.

He breathes in.

He lifts Kenny's legs up over his shoulders, then catches Kenny's grasping hands and holds them tightly. Both of them are already slick with sweat. He sets up a slow rhythm, angling to hit Kenny's prostate with every thrust.

Before long, Kenny's chest is heaving, his cock is dripping, his thighs are shaking, and he seems to have no control over the desperate sounds he's making. Kota can almost feel Kenny's pleasure in addition to his own. He shakes the sweat from his eyes and starts to move faster, gritting his teeth. He has no idea how long it's been but it doesn't matter; Kenny is pleading again, and Kota wants to feel him come.

Kota releases Kenny's hands and takes hold of his dick. Kenny swears and tenses and bucks into Kota's hands, and then he's spurting over his own chest and Kota's, and Kota can't hold back anymore.

"Kenny..."

He collapses as he comes, his forehead pressed against Kenny's. Whether he cries out or not, he doesn't know; he's gone, completely, dissolved into Kenny, no separation between them at all.

When he returns to himself, he feels Kenny's hands in his hair, Kenny's breath on his face, Kenny's come on his chest. He opens his eyes to the sight of Kenny's flushed skin and soft expression, a sight which fills him with overwhelming tenderness. Kenny tips up his chin for a kiss, and Kota obliges happily.

Now for the less fun part. Kota slides out carefully--kissing Kenny's cheek when he winces--then experimentally stretches his legs, and then hops out of bed to take care of the mess.

"Bu-san," Kenny calls out plaintively, "I can't move."

Kota chuckles. "Stay put, then." He returns, with towels and wet wipes, to find Kenny flopped across the bed with his forearm over his eyes.

"I think you broke me."

Kota wipes him down, smiling. "I'll just have to fix you, and hope you'll forgive me."

"Will you break me again?" Kenny peeks up at him hopefully.

Kota settles in next to him. "We have the room until tomorrow morning. I can break you as many times as you want. Or you could break me, if you'd rather."

Kenny grunts. "I can't even think about it right now. Congratulations, you have successfully fucked my brains out."

"I guess we'll have to share a brain from now on." Kota laces their fingers together and takes a minute to enjoy their peaceful little bubble. He hasn't felt this content in a very long time, perhaps ever. But..."Hey," he says suddenly, "How are you feeling?"

Kenny strokes Kota's hand and thinks for a while. He wants to say something sappy, something about how he could never have imagined feeling this close to someone before, or how he had never felt so much like _himself_ with anyone else, but neither his Japanese nor his emotional state is up to the task. "Good," he says finally, "I'm good."

"This is what you wanted?"

Kenny isn't sure whether "this" refers to the current moment, or the sex, or the setting, or the events of the past month, or everything about what they are together, but the answer to all of those potential questions is the same.

"Yes," Kenny curls into Kota's arms. "It's perfect."


End file.
